Mmmmm

So I haven’t written in a month. Or two. But when it comes down to it, if I have the choice between fleshing out thoughts on a computer screen, or talking to some of my favorite people on a porch after dark, I choose the latter.

After months of debating with myself, my plans for fall have changed a bit. Not sure exactly what I’ll be doing now, but it’s in the works. As if I have any spare time to plan between capture the flag, low ropes, CILTs, and PB&J. But whatever. I actually feel a lot more settled now that I’m not locked into a plan that I never felt fully comfortable with in the first place.

As I consider how to spend my time from September to January, I’m realizing that my attitude towards people is changing. I have always been more of the type of person who does what she wants, regardless of friends or family or whatever group it is. I went to camp alone, then the Outdoor Academy, then college across the country. And I had planned this semester to be very independent as well. But I’m realizing more and more that I can simultaneously be independent AND be surrounded by people I love. Such as my aunt in England. Or friends and family in San Mateo. Or crazy camp friends travelling to New Orleans. Maybe what I need to get from this time is to feel close to the people I already care about, instead of isolating myself from them in order to try to grow on my own. There is a time for that, but I don’t think that time is now. The more I think about being close to people I love, the better I feel about these coming months. There are so many people I care about scattered across the globe that it seems almost ridiculous to go somewhere that there isn’t anybody who is already a part of my life.