primalfest

Just returned to camp after half of a three day overnight called Primalfest… lightning struck and there was a forest fire apparently only a  quarter mile from where we were camping. Yikes!  Good thing we called camp and got picked up before things got bad.  It was kind of crazy being outside during a thunderstorm though.  Last time I did that was probably at Gwynn Valley when I was ten or eleven, and saw lightning striking the ground in front of us as we ran inside from the storm.

Primalfest was more fun than last session when me and Fabian had a bunch of ten and eleven year old boys.  This time Pancreas and I  had 16 kids, mostly older, and we mostly chilled out at Apache Point.  This time we didn’t build forts, fry frogs (we did eat some tiny fish though), or roast chickens on a spit over the fire.  However, I did eat some weird beef thing that we put in the stew we made.  And we made instant pudding– delicious!  And the kids found Narnia and the bridge to Terebithia, which made me smile.

Now I’m realizing there’s only 2 weeks of the summer left, and only one left with all of the counselors here.  This is a strange realization.  What with days off, we really only have 5 days together.  This sucks.  I will probably see Nicole, Eleanor, Fabian, and Jordan in New Orleans, but who knows if that will really work out.  And hopefully I can see Kim, Tori, Kelsey, and Billy while I’m home.  But as with everything else, this group of people in its entirety will never be together again, which is always a bit sad.  I have really loved this summer, despite the added stress of overnights, and my crazy cabin first session.  I don’t expect to be back at Mountain Meadow next summer, but in the future, who knows.  Maybe once I get my class B license…

Mmmmm

So I haven’t written in a month. Or two. But when it comes down to it, if I have the choice between fleshing out thoughts on a computer screen, or talking to some of my favorite people on a porch after dark, I choose the latter.

After months of debating with myself, my plans for fall have changed a bit. Not sure exactly what I’ll be doing now, but it’s in the works. As if I have any spare time to plan between capture the flag, low ropes, CILTs, and PB&J. But whatever. I actually feel a lot more settled now that I’m not locked into a plan that I never felt fully comfortable with in the first place.

As I consider how to spend my time from September to January, I’m realizing that my attitude towards people is changing. I have always been more of the type of person who does what she wants, regardless of friends or family or whatever group it is. I went to camp alone, then the Outdoor Academy, then college across the country. And I had planned this semester to be very independent as well. But I’m realizing more and more that I can simultaneously be independent AND be surrounded by people I love. Such as my aunt in England. Or friends and family in San Mateo. Or crazy camp friends travelling to New Orleans. Maybe what I need to get from this time is to feel close to the people I already care about, instead of isolating myself from them in order to try to grow on my own. There is a time for that, but I don’t think that time is now. The more I think about being close to people I love, the better I feel about these coming months. There are so many people I care about scattered across the globe that it seems almost ridiculous to go somewhere that there isn’t anybody who is already a part of my life.